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The gentleman’s guide to vaping

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This article is a the gentleman’s guide to vaping. Read below!

According to GQ, If you’ve inhaled coffin nails for years, you’ve likely either considered e-cigs or made the switch. Tobacco’s nearly 70 murder-y chemicals compel you.

While the jury’s out on just how healthy vaping is and if it will get you to quit smoking altogether, at least you’re off the hard stuff. Plus, vaping smells markedly less foul, doesn’t stain your teeth and nails and never leaves a lingering funk in your Tom Ford suit. And the number of brands and flavours available in the market is on the rise, which makes your usual lights look mundane.

Don’t Dutch-oven everyone else

Most people agree that vaping at a concert or in the dimly-lit corner of a pub in the dead of winter is acceptable. But it’s a tenuous social contract at best. Wherever you are, if someone tells you to take it outside, do. Being that dude who pulls a sneak puff that’s as noisy as a stage whisper warrants a punch in the face. This graceless pedantic turd will protest that “it’s just water”, which is not true at all. Fuck this guy.

Especially not at work

We see you, Rohan.

Do still take a smoke break

Your real-cig buddies will mock you for a few seconds before asking what you think of vaping. Lead them to a better future.

Don’t go vape-punk

Of all vaping species, the steam punk hobbyist who denounces store-bought e-cigs in favour of his own DIY contraptions is the most unfortunate. Don’t fall prey. One day you’re lurking on the VapePorn subreddit, the next you’re considering e-juice presentation stands for your mantle while YouTubing videos on “sub-ohm vaping”, which is a real thing you should never, ever know about.

Do be extra chill if your vape is for public weed

For some (most?), digital smoking isn’t about e-cigs — it’s a way to get THC easily and surreptitiously. Toting paper, lighters and other fragile paraphernalia is so analog. Since most vape pens require a weed-based oil or wax, anyone with a low threshold for hassle should get a loose-leaf vapourizer. (It’s especially ideal for guys on their #dadstruggle – since your wife and you can’t roll a jay at home, you can at least enjoy being semi-fucked up while watching How To Train Your Dragon 8.) But whatever the legality of marijuana, vaping it requires being cool. It’s the “Hamsterdam” of smoking weed in public – the ruse works so long as no one gets too brazen.

Don’t run a vape meth lab

It’s okay to brew your own beer, and if you’re a grown man, distilling hooch at home is impressive. But it is never acceptable to cook up your own vape juice, butane hash oil or other cannabis concentrates. You are not Heisenberg, regardless of your millinery choices. Buy what you vape. Like a grown-up.

Don’t blow smoke up your own ass

You’ve made the concession to go faux — great! Don’t overcompensate. There’s nothing grimmer than a Marlboro man who can’t reconcile that a battery-powered tube isn’t a real cigarette. Don’t lean against the bar wall, cupping your vape pen between thumb and forefinger while scowling. Inhaling like the lead singer of a rock band while a blue LED glows cheerily doesn’t make you look badass. But it will keep your lungs from filling with death. So there’s that.

Article courtesy of GQ.

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